My first year in graduate school just ended and there is so much to share but I want to focus on the challenges that I did not anticipate.
New Everything, Who Dis?
I arrived in Atlanta early August 2018. I was nervous and excited for this new chapter in my life. New city, new school, new program and soon new friends. Orientation is the same no matter what stage of school you’re in – pocket-folder full of forms and pamphlets, congratulatory remarks, information overload, and students looking for the nearest cup of coffee, and looking at your agenda for what time lunch is being served.
I joined the biomedical engineering department at Georgia Tech and Emory University and we have one month to interview potential Ph.D thesis advisers whose work and personality we find interesting. It’s kinda like a dance and everyone is trying to impress. At the end of the four weeks, both students and professors rank their top 5 choices and the matching process is complete. I can’t tell you how exciting and stressful this time period was.
I was told graduate school would be different. I thought I was prepared and for the most part I was ready for the challenges I anticipated. But here I want to share the challenges that I did not.
Asking for Help – Often
Usually the classes you take during your Ph.D. will be courses that add value to your research area. If you choose a research area that is different from your undergrad or work experience that means you will be learning a lot of new material. My first year had classes ranging from cell and molecular biology, to systems modeling to biotransport. I found myself having to ask my classmates for help more often than I’ve ever had in the past. What I ended learning this academic year was: that we all know a few subjects very in depth and have our weakness in others. Ask for help!
I Am Now The Professional (Sort of)
This experience might be particular to me but I think all students experienced this phenomenon at varying degrees. There is a disconnect between knowing something and being able to explain something clearly and simply. As a graduate student you are now expected to defend your work in a professional capacity. If you don’t know the science then who else does? (only a handful of people in the world actually). Everyone in research is working at the cutting edge of knowledge. There are high standards for doing research and having your knowledge and work examined through what sometimes feels like a microscope can be both challenging and humbling. This leads me to my next challenge.
Becoming a Scientist is a Humbling Experience
Have you ever tried playing sports or performing a challenging activity with people who are much better at it than you? With people who have clocked in years of hard work, experience, and are talented? That is what a Ph.D feels like as a first year student. Everyone knows more than you or it feels that way at least. You will be challenged every time you present your work. Professors, post-docs and senior graduate students are the gate-keepers of your area of research and knowledge. They are Gandalf if you will, and you shall not pass! It will be humbling to realize how much you don’t know and how immense the learning curve is. It has been a humbling experience for sure.
A serious Case of Imposter Syndrome
This is linked to the past challenge. Being surrounded by so many talented, smart and hard working individuals can sometimes make you feel small and insecure. You fail so many times at the beginning of your program and unavoidably you end up comparing yourself with everyone else. You attend seminar talks in your field and realize that you actually only know about 50% of what they’re talking about. The mountain top seems high from where you are sitting. One day I decided to open up and start asking other first years if they felt the same. I think without hesitation everyone responded with a variation of the same answer, “ I feel like I have no clue what I’m doing”. I was even surprised to hear classmates tell me that they felt I knew what I was doing – Ha!
If you’re working hard, are trusting the process, and are correcting course to improve, then all you can do is compare yourself to who you were yesterday. Everyone is struggling at one thing or another. Focus on your improvement.
Final thoughts
Ph.D. school is challenging but try your best to stay grounded. Find a group of friends that support one another. Seek activities in your new city to make it feel like you’re part of the culture and atmosphere. Prioritize character growth and focus on building your own principles and the work productivity will follow.
Darwin Carbajal 